It's been a spell

If you search online for quotes about change, you could easily find hundreds, even thousands of references.  You might view some as poignant or reflective or applicable to your own life.  Some might be inane or glib.  Some might make you laugh out loud while others bring you to tears.  Whatever your response, like it or not, as living beings we all go through change.  Years pass, phases come and go, interests shift.  It happens to all of us whether we embrace it or not, whether we are open to it or not. 

 

During periods of my 30s and 40s, I sometimes thought that I needed to cling to the things that made me happy (friends, habits, jobs, hobbies, etc.) because if things were good, why allow things to be different?  I could be pretty hard on myself if my gut/heart was telling me that something was no longer serving me while my mind was saying "you can't let ____ go!  You spent money/time/effort on ____!"  I would convince myself that if things remained status quo (assuming things were overall going well), well worn paths were worth my loyalty.  Clearly, I was afraid of change.

(This, of course, didn't exclude some new experiences or new knowledge because being of the world pretty much means novelty is always coming our way.  Additionally, the people in our lives are also going through their own chapters of revision.  Thus, the proverb 'the only constant in life is change' seems spot on.)

Now that I'm in my 50s, I actively try to worry less about change.  On some level I manage to embrace it.  Even when I'm feeling fearful, overwhelmed or vulnerable.  The processes of aging, grieving loss and acknowledging my limitations helps.  Remaining curious about the world helps, too.  Carrying on with practices that continue to bring joy is indispensable.  

The idea from that last sentence has brought me back to this blog.  I can hardly believe it has been years since I last posted. Looking for things to photograph and taking the time to put my thoughts down was an enjoyable practice.  It made me pay attention to details and enhanced my motivation to get out into natural spaces.  So why did I let it fall away? 

Well, a lot has happened since June of 2021 - both in a wider, planetary context and certainly in my own life.  My mom went into a nursing home in late 2021 and passed away unexpectedly and quickly eight months later.  Just seven months afterward, my older sister (and my oldest friend) died the day before her 52nd birthday, mere weeks after being diagnosed with metastatic cancer.  Shortly thereafter, we lost my Aunt Barb.  

While in the process of mourning, it can be near impossible to find joy or practice gratitude or just not feel numb.  These last few years have been a whirlwind and held some of the saddest days of my life, frankly.  Yet somehow there is a feeling of late that I've gotten through the worst parts of grief.  I don't know that it will ever be fully resolved, but my spirit feels less weighed down by my sorrow.  So I'm hoping to photograph and write more often.  To actively look for birds, mushrooms, sweet cat moments, eye-catching landscapes, crafty things, etc., etc. and post about them.  I hope whomever bothers to read this will also find something worthwhile.